No more secrets....
I hate keeping secrets from anyone....anyone. Today was the day that I decided I was going to tell Krystina....over Starbucks hot chocolate...after dance....too bad she didn't want hot chocolate...she was too hot....great. We stopped at Canadian Tire....I needed a couple of "zip ties"....I gave in and bought some new decorations for the tree.....and an Aero bar... Back in the parking lot I climbed into the middle row (with K), all the while she kept saying..."what are you doing here mommy?" And so I started....
...."K....I wanted to take you for hot chocolate so that I could talk to you about something."
"What mommy?"
"Well honey....I...firstly...I don't want you to worry about anything...everything's going to be just fine....mommy's going to have an operation this week and then she'll have to take some medicine that will very likely make me lose my hair"
*break down*
*no consolation*
At this point her only concern was that "mommy was going to lose her hair"....she wanted nothing to do with a wig or bandana.
*fast track to current time*
"mommy.....but doesn't it mean when you lose your hair you have cancer?"
"*pause*....yes sweetie...mommy has cancer....but I'm not going anywhere....I'm going to be fine"
*silence*
"did you hear me???...I need you to be strong for me...I'm not going anywhere...."
End of conversation....
Shit life is hard sometimes!
...."K....I wanted to take you for hot chocolate so that I could talk to you about something."
"What mommy?"
"Well honey....I...firstly...I don't want you to worry about anything...everything's going to be just fine....mommy's going to have an operation this week and then she'll have to take some medicine that will very likely make me lose my hair"
*break down*
*no consolation*
At this point her only concern was that "mommy was going to lose her hair"....she wanted nothing to do with a wig or bandana.
*fast track to current time*
"mommy.....but doesn't it mean when you lose your hair you have cancer?"
"*pause*....yes sweetie...mommy has cancer....but I'm not going anywhere....I'm going to be fine"
*silence*
"did you hear me???...I need you to be strong for me...I'm not going anywhere...."
End of conversation....
Shit life is hard sometimes!
Comments
I believe that you will be ok. I really do.
You are (as evidenced by your postings on your blog.. ) a VERY strong woman. You have a wonderful support system. And you have us. :)
Telling her must have been SO hard. I cannot imagine my mother telling me anything of the sort, even now at almost 40 years of age. Ugh.
Your bravery is apparent, even now.
I wish you well. I wish you everything good as far as outcomes go. I will be thinking of you CONSTANTLY. You and your wonderful family. You live a world away. I wish that I were closer so that I could help in some way. All I can offer, are my thoughts and prayers...
And you have those in abundance...
Did I mention though....my "new hair"...is gorgeous!