Friday, January 27, 2012

The nasty disease got a good one....

I have been on an emotional roller-coaster today.....tears flow at a drop of a....well, pretty much anything.

A young mother of 39 (two boys 7 and 3) who had chemo with me on a few occasions passed away on Wednesday.  I got to know her and I can honestly say that I'm devastated....  She fought a hell of a fight and got through another Christmas but ended up succumbing this past Wednesday.  May she rest in peace and may her family know what an incredible inspiration she was to everyone that knew her!!!

I'm just at a loss today....I guess reality hit again....I've had it easy, but I also know that things can change in an instant.  I'm fighting this fucking disease myself and so when I get strange looks from people when I tell them the procedures I'm going through to stay healthy....well....*phhht*.

I've made too many "cancer friends" through this....and that's not to say that I don't want them to be my's just I wish we didn't share this particular "disease"...but I love them all....and that's what's so hard.....really...honestly....we're just living on borrowed time....  Sure some of us might get 10 years, maybe 20 and maybe even 30....but at 44....that's just not enough.  I'll take what I can get and I'll make the most of it....but I will also cry for those that don't get that "extra time".

And with that.....God rest Mrs. Jackie put up a hell of a fight....may your children always know what a brave and strong person you were!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My New Time-Line

Sooooo......I found my lump on September 11th, I started chemo on Christmas Eve.....I get my 3 month follow-up on Valentine's Day....funny how things turn out.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Life's all so complicated and I'm still trying to figure it out.  I thought yoga would help, maybe I haven't done looking.....this whole new "raw diet" is an interesting factor...probably an important one.  I'm loving it...except one thing...which we're working's the shittiest part, but probably the most important.

I mentioned in my last post....I want to go back "home"....I really do...before it's too more visit with my "family"....and I don't mean "myself"...I'm talking about the aging of my relatives...yeah...I want to do this.

Can you tell I'm "homesick"....that's thanks to chatting with my cousin on-line....her dad/my uncle passed away long ago...I met her once.

I have to go more time.

Oh my gosh.....

....I'm contemplating getting on a plane and visiting the homeland!!!  What's wrong with me?

Thursday, January 5, 2012


My thoughts run so deep and raw tonight...I don't even know what to make of them.  I'm so in love with my family...I love, love, love...but there's something else....not sure what it is that's missing..gahhh!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Falling....just to get back up.

They say that you should just "get back up" after "falling".....what if it leaves you bruised and battered?