Saturday, November 17, 2012

The end of your life...

....so this is the book I've been reading off and on.....

"The end of your life" pretty much happened October 29th, 2010...the day I was told I had an agressive form of breast cancer.....today....I mark the 1 year "I'm fricken cancer free"....or is it that I'm in remission?...I'm not sure but I'm sure as heck happy that I'm here!!!! Since diagnoses there was shock and disbelief but I think back and I don't ever remember a moment where I thought "oh my gosh....I'm gonna die".....no no no...you don't push me down that easily.

Today as I anxiously awaited my results (as I have 4 times this past year), my husband and I were at one of my clients, setting up a "spare office desk"....my laptop wouldn't connect....my results were "pending".....I was getting anxious.....then around 2 pm....I decided to check on my BB...of course I had to "zoom" in....holy farts....my ca 125's were better than last time (gotta be less than 26....mine were at 14...4 down from last time)....my ca 15-3's are staying the same as they have the last 3 quarters....I have so much to be thankful for.

And hello...I'm heading to Tofino in a week...

Friday, November 16, 2012

Just because there are things you cannot post on FB

I'm a very open kind of girl...I will talk about my cancer....I know plenty who shut right up but nope...that ain't me!  In fact I even make jokes about it..which shock people...which is why I make the jokes...I find the feedback kinda funny...ok a little sick.   But really...I like walking through a cloud of cigarette smoke (at the opening of a grocery store) only to be choked by the stench...and than able to verbalize..."hey dudes...I had cancer...get rid of that shit".

My husband is/has been very sympathetic but he's been telling me it's time to "stop'' talking about "it"....I told him...."I'm female....I need to talk"....so listen up folks!!  One day my voice may silenced but for today...it's strong and loud!!!  I'm done with this cancer shit but it's part of my every waking moment...in fact it's part of my sleeping moment too....you'll understand this IF you have to go through what I did (and I  am NOT asking for sympathy)...these are just my thoughts!!  Cancer sucks...completely...my daughter has a friend that was just diagnosed with Leukemia at age 11...forget us old farts...I just don't get the young ones getting it...


In any case...."cancer sucks"...it is part of my every day breath........it is part of me...forever and forever....it is me.....until the die...because you're always haunted with the fact that it could come back....

...but I'll put up a damn good fight..1st time, 2nd time and 7 x7'times   around!!!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I should be in bed.....

...I hate these damn hot flashes....they're even worse when I'm under the gun (not literally of course)....it's been a fricken crazy crazy week....the type that I said I would never have again since having had cancer....such an ugly word.  But here I am once again (and again....if you find a missing "m"...it's this damn keyboard that's all gunked up with "stuff"!... I promised myself that I would take life slower...ha!

One of the companies that I work for is "public"...which means they get audited...alot....we've now just amalgamated and are going through an audit for our year-end AND....I'm heading off to Toronto for 2 weeks worth of training "shoved into 3 days"..tomorrow.  So being the good mother/wife that I am....the clan is set...they will not starve and they know their duties.  My daughter is already in tears.  My stomach is in knots....I hate those metal birds!  I have to say though....I'm kinda looking forward to the trip as....it will actually feel like a holiday...hello?!?!?....I don't have to cook for 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....and there's a magnificent pool and gym at this hotel.....and I'm going to call in for room service and drink a bottle of wine....every night!!...lol

I just hope they remember to feed the fish.




And yes...I will have "technology" with me and may be inclined to write some more.....between hot flashes!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Heading on a Jet Plane....

...yup...me...alone (well with colleague)...Monday...gone...buh bye!...and I plan on bringing my bathing suit!!!  Thing is...I gotta get on a plane....and be stuck on it for 4 1/2 hours....  After this last week....I think I'm going to enjoy it!!  I'm taking a laptop and am hoping to have "time to myself"....and be able to write a bit.  Just send good wishes that the plane stays at 35,000 feet. :o)

Friday, November 2, 2012

I need to get away....

..and this fricken "m" keeps sticking!