Monday, March 28, 2011

Come hither...

....the dog gets clean teeth tomorrow....I start walking tomorrow......

Friday, March 25, 2011

I'm almost a little sad.....

.....I'll have to dust off the razor pretty soon.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

It's amazing what a good bag of blood and friendship can do!

Yesterday was the longest I spent in the hospital yet (since this whole chemo business started).  I arrived at 7:30 a.m. to have an echocardiogram (to see if any of the meds have affected my "ejection fraction" of my heart....good news....everything is A-OK after 3 months of poisons....which means the intended "plan" will carry on without a hitch)....of course I was nervous, because that's just who I am.  Every once in a while the technician would turn on the volume and you could hear my thumper "boom booming" away at a pretty face "boom" needless to say I was glad to hear the results were good.

Then I had a few minutes to kill before I was to meet with Dr. Chemo.  I have to say that LGH has the best cafeteria among all the hospitals I've been to here, so I was looking forward to some "quiet time" and some good food.  Sure enough....they had a nice array of french toast, scrambled eggs, sausages, egg omelette (sp?), mixed fruit and what did I choose????....oatmeal....and tea.

Then I headed off to get a routine check-up, everything checked in except for my blood work...which we already knew.  It was time for a blood transfusion to pick up my levels and make me feel better.  So off I went to the laboratory to get some blood work and a cross match....that took 40 minutes and I was on a "stat"  It's okay...I could hear others grumbling that they had been there for 2 hours!

Back down to the chemo ward to get hooked up for my day of poisons.  The nurse made the mistake of telling me that I was going to get the "big needle" because of the transfusion.  I told her...."please....don't tell me anything....just go ahead an do it".  I did have (in my opinion) the best nurse on the ward (I had her on Christmas Eve and she definitely knows her stuff) and as she's sticking the needle in my hand, I go on to tell her that I thought she was the best at doing this....that's when I started squirting.  She laughed and said that I "jinxed" it.  Apparently the tube connection was giving her grief and I'm not sure if I was squirting from the tube or if the needle had moved and I was squirting from my hand but....I was making a mess on the floor and table top.  So I had to help her by pressing down on my vein while she "corrected" things.  Now we were all hooked up for the usual "baggies".  My blood bag came at the end.

It's amazing how red and thick a bag of blood really is....and it didn't want to get pumped into me for some reason, so after 1 1/2 hours and only 1/4 of the unit gone...we had to make some adjustments to how my hand was situated and that seemed to get the blood flowing....and my temperature and blood pressure.  After a couple of readings though, we discovered that the reason my temperature was probably going up was the fact that I was drinking hot tea (they take readings from your mouth) and while my bp was just "high"...I was making it higher because I was freaking out.  So they stopped the transfusion just before the end and let me "settle down"....I had a few sips of water and everything came back "normal"....I'm such a difficult patient.

We finally came home at just after 5.  I was pleasantly surprised with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my bud....definitely brought a smile to my face.

And today....the "original oompa" had impeccable timing and brought me a yummy sandwhich and chocolate ganache 15 minutes before I was allowed to eat again....and I was starving!  It was perfect.

I've just come back from my Neulasta injection and can already feel the slight twinges, but I'm hoping it's not going to get too crazy.

I slept in until 10 today (after going to bed at 10 last night) and managed to just do small things.  Don't worry Erik...I really am "taking it easy"....I just get a little crazy the weekend before each treatment but I haven't had the energy to even that.  Movies and enjoying my kids....that's what life is about!

One more to go and I cannot wait till this hair starts growing back!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I've been told.....'s time to put the "super mom" apron up for rest.


I'm over here....I'm not in hiding...I'm just in the other corner.

So tomorrow is chemo treatment #5...two to go....I'm really hoping that tomorrow is number 5...not sure how they deal with things when things "pop up". 

I got my blood work on Friday and everything's gone crazy!  My WBC, RBC, Neutrophils, and a bunch of other things are wayyyy out  of wack....most are well below "normal" and a couple of way above...which would explain why I've been feeling soooooooo crappy.  No really....crappy. 

I'm exhausted walking around the block...hell I'm exhausted walking up the stairs.  I feel weak and I can't think straight.  Signs are pointing towards anemia...which would be the "best case scenario"...I don't even want to think of the other "scenarios"...things have gone far too well to think that things have gone to hell.

Well anyways....I have to be at the hospital for 7:30 tomorrow for an echocardiogram...I meet with my oncologist at 9 and then chemo is supposed to start at 9:30....I may be getting a transfusion...maybe.

Okay...I'm done...typing has worn me out.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Oh and "Mr. Kotta, Mr. Kotta".....

....guess what's rearing it's ugly head...again!!!  There is no mercy for my poor body.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The bra thing

It's really hard to do yoga when your bra pops open 15 minutes into the class...and you don't have a chance to leave and clasp it....

But it's a really great thing that you're actually doing yoga and even better that you're doing yoga in a bra because you have "something" to put in that "said" bra!!!

 Nothing much else except....I'm emotional this weekend and hello....I made perogies!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


.....I'm done with the nose bleeds and the constant taste of blood.  I'm feeling shitty today and I'm done with the whole thing...well not really...but it feels good to write it down. 

Tomorrow....another day.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A couple of photos....

People just come into your life and surprise you... matter what you believe, what happened to me today is always a smile producing, heart warming feeling.....and makes you think that people do still care.

Today I went to bottle a couple of batches of wine...I know..."me bad"....only if you believe that I'm "drinking" from those was fun....good to get away from the regular "routine".  After that I went for lunch with a a pub....okay, okay...don't condemn me...nobody said I wasn't allowed a glass (or two) or a bottle (or two) of wine/beer.  Anyways.................

After a very yummy bowl of clam chowder and a seafood sandwich I had to pee....okay...I had had a beer...which is why I had to pee.  So I went to the lovely pub restroom...which you can never trust because hello....many a drunken sailorettes have sprinkled on the toilet seats.....which is why they have (instead of hand sanitizer)....toilet seat cleaner....I kidd you not.  So yeah...I'm peeing....and I notice these very cool snake skin shoes in the stall next to there's a blast from the 80's!  I head out to wash my hands and out comes this 70 - 75 year old woman....she's beautifully "kept"...I mean that in a good way...her hair is perfect, her make-up is nice and she just looks great.  She washes her hands and then proceeds to wipe around the sinks...almost delaying if for a purpose.  And yes....I do believe in this kind of "stuff".  The conversation goes like this....

Her:  "Don't mind me...."
Me:  "Habit I guess?"
Her:  "Old habits die hard"
Me:   "lol...that's okay"
Her:  "Can I ask?  Do you wear your bandana because....."
Me:  ......"yes"
Her:  "You are a brave soul.  Can I bless you?"
Me:  "Sure...why not?"
Her:  *makes a cross on my forehead and says a silent prayer*....very obviously a Catholic.
Me:  "Thank you."
Her:  "Be strong and God Bless"

And then I went back to my beer and she stayed in the bathroom for a while longer.  Whatever you believe/don't believe.....the world needs more people who give a shit.  I went back to that beer very grateful of that total stranger.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

It's funny how....

.....the weekend comes and all I want to do is go to bed early...I mean really early....and then Sunday comes around and all of a sudden....I've got this burst of energy?!

The love of my life has gone to bed before me for the first time in 3 days with an ear infection....the boys are still up, rotting on the couch and here I am...not wanting to go to bed just yet.  I'm not sure if it's just because I've "caught up" on my sleep or if it's because I'm a little fearful of hitting the sack and having to go through the crap that I've been going and cold, tossing and turning, stupid dreams and just plain listlessness......  I'd rather stay up until 2 and get 4 hours of good night sleep as opposed to going to bed now and getting 20 minutes here and there.

Work beckons me tomorrow...casual...but still I have to head out.......

I can tell that my "levels" have dropped again.....the rim around my eyes is as pale as my skin and my lips have no color....oh the joys.  I had another nose bleed my terms....and then I managed to swallow a huge clot of the red stuff....that's not it?

I love appreciating every moment...."from this moment on".

And on that note....if you're interested on knowing what a "cancer victim" goes through, as far as emotionally...... 
this book is absolutely amazing!! Truly...I "phshad" it at first....and now I'm ready to donate a copy to the chemo department that I spend countless hours at.

Seriously is good.

Definitely have been "hit"

This weekend has bar far been the most difficult for me.  Just feeling really really weak and sore...everything aches.  I want to sleep but I don't want to close my eyes....sleep has not come easily.  Hot and cold sweats a result of the chemo or early menopause hitting me....which is very likely....thanks bitch "mother nature". Daily nose bleeds....not knowing if the next "runny nose" was actually a "runny nose" or another nose me...I've done alot of laundry this weekend.

Today however was a gorgeous day, one might say the first real spring day....nothing was going to stop me....not the weakness....not the bone pain...nothing....  I took the husband and the dog and did a good 4 km felt good...not easy....but so good.....and then I bbq'd a bunch of t-bone steaks...mmmmm....heavenly.

The day started with breakfast at iHop with the girl, the walk, her soccer game and then a jaunt to see Justin Bieber's new movie with her and a friend....okay...I've been "Bieberized"....don't laugh....remember I'm totally into all kinds of music.  In fact....I'm currently listening to "Indie" rock and quite enjoying it....but the movie itself....wasn't horrible....even caught myself smiling a couple of times.

Well anyways...gotta go to work tomorrow and I'm trying to ward off another "hot spell"....not to mentioned...just caught "the girl" stealing another Cadbury Easter Egg....darn those things are good!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Stuff to say

Well hello there once again! I've just been so tired lately that although I have had plenty to say, I just haven't had the energy to sit down and make the brain work. Although I think I have a little bit of "chemo brain" as well...I've been forgetting things and lose my train of thought...who wouldn't with all this crap floating around inside!

Got over my last bout of "spillage" and am hoping that I'll get a little break...please...have mercy.

Chemo #4 was this past Monday, that means two to go...keep your fingers crossed!! Then it's going in every three weeks for my Herceptin treatment (until the end of November) as well as radiation that should start up pretty quick after chemo is over. So far the worst of everything has got to be the bone pain I get a day or two (for 2- 3 days) after my Neulasta injection (white blood cell booster)...but even that I'm tolerating enough that I don't take any pain killers....why put more shit in my body.

The kids are doing well....they all just got over nasty colds which I managed to get by with just a slight episode.

The winds are picking up today...imagine that....we had a good dumping of snow a couple of days ago and today we're waiting for 100 Km hour winds.

I've got some photos...really I do...but my (the kids') laptop (where I download to) was infested with virus'...should have it back today. I hate to download too many programs on my "work" pc.

Aleks accompanied me to the hospital on Monday. He wanted to see what "mom went through" every three was good having him there. I made him my "go fer" but I think he went more "fer" himself than me...I didn't need much....apparently he needed a bag of chips and a Kit Kat bar at 10:30 in the morning...quite enjoyed the cafeteria at LGH.

I've gained far too much weight. Partly because I haven't been doing much but also a great deal because of the meds I'm taking...I can't wait to be done with them. Seriously...10 pounds since I started....6 pounds in three weeks this last time round....that's a total of 10 pounds, not 16 thankfully but at this rate...I better do the 10 k!

Well that's about it for now...I should get some work least a little.