Friday, October 29, 2010

I have cancer.

Yes....I never thought in my entire life that I would have to say those words.

I had my biopsy on Tuesday and was told that the result would come in in 5 - 7 the was day 3. My doctor called and asked that I come in.

Basal duct carcinoma....apparently a very common form of breast cancer....but "cancer" nevertheless....I broke down.....but I getting myself back up. I'll be scheduled for a lumpectomy where they will proceed to inject a dye into my lymph nodes etc. to make sure that it hasn't gone elsewhere....this will be within the next week or two....I hope. So at this point I won't be losing a boob...just part of one. Whether chemo and/or radiation is in my future is still up in the air.....but I have cancer.....I don't care what kind/how common/how's still cancer.

So for tonight....I'm going to enjoy a couple glasses of wine and tomorrow.....I'm going to begin a bit of a "mountain to climb".

Am I scared?...shit yeah!


Deanna said...

oh my friend... not the david/oxford mountains I was speaking of my friend... Now what are we going to do with you... now there is the combined dawes hill & thermal put together, and that windy road in san fransisco.

I am looking for words of encouragement, something to say at a time when everything and everybody and every second is coming at you wrong... but looking past my window sill I have a birthday card of Mr. Rogers staring back at my face, and another birthday card with a goldren retriever with his head stuffed out the window facing the wind, with it's ears flying, and a homemade birthday card from the Fuss, with a jeep picture on it. So relevent, and yet idiotic, the same feelings that are flying through your brain now. My thoughts are this... dress like Mr. Rogers with bright lovely sweaters, and big comfy shoes, shove your face out into the wind, and take in every single smell and sight of the day, and use the jeep (which to your happiness, the Sir has just done a large job of raising the thing, and this very minute is replacing the clutch).. and use the jeep to get you over this rocky prickly portion of LIFE as we know it.

At this moment I know there are no amount of words that can put a sense of ease into your life. I know you have support, which eases the burden, however; I also know the silent obligations that we as mothers/workers also have. No easy plight.

I will offer my help, (at this point my response would be to geth this shit out of me, cause that would help) and even if the only help I give is to add a smile to your face everyday... then that is what I can do... because LORD knows we don't want any poppyseed loaf ending up on your doorstep ...

Oh my friend... this is quite the pile of chocolate pudding that we have dove our forks into.

Of course when I opened up to see what chaos on the hill looked like this morning .. my first words out of my mouth were ... my favourite. Of course then I said it real loud, with an extra CK at the end, and then I said it again.

I know scared shitless or not.. you will plough through this current pile of stink... we will drive Sirs jeep through together!

One day a time my friend, one day at a time.... and when the day gets too big, we will have to move it to an hour at a time... that will help get you over this prickly stinky mountain....

OH.. and I had a much prettier post, nice and eloquent words already typed in this space, but the blogger thingy tells me that there was an error... and there was no going back... uhm.. no shit!

Jen said...

I am just catching up. We moved to West Virginia from FL and I have not had internet til today. UGH.

I do not know what to say... other than I will be thinking of you and well... hoping for all that is good.

And I am so sorry that you have to face this...