I have anxiety issues
For the first few years that Tony knew me, I suffered quite badly with panic attacks and terrible anxiety. Then....we both attended "stress management" classes....oh the things you do for each other in the "early days". A good 10 or so years had gone by and I was doing great! Until the past 6 months or so......
Today I had an "interview" of sorts with a new accounting firm. I got myself a new blouse, got my black slacks hemmed (finally) and even put on nylon knee-high's and my "nose picker" heeled shoes. Heck...I even put on the "crack filler" and foundation!!! It's so weird getting all dressed up in the daytime when you've totally turned into a yoga pants/jeans kind of girl. Anyways....I was already feeling the panic this morning when I dropped Krystina off at school....at that point I was just hoping that I wasn't going to hurl or break a leg walking up the sloped walk-way to drop her off. About half way into the drive (which was an hour long) it starts up again....heart pounding, head feeling fuzzy, dry mouth, hands sweating, feeling overheated....*deep breath*....*in through the nose, out through mouth*...*dry off those hands*. Then I started to panic some more because I though....."eww nooo....I'm going to have to shake these peoples' hands and ....they're going to slide right through".... *another wipe of the hands*.... *deep breath*....*smack myself in the head and tell myself to smarten up!* I parked the car and head up the block to the building....up the stairs...now my hearts pounding again...partly because of the dread and partly because I just walked up 25 steps in heels....told you I needed to get back to the gym! I stop at the top of the steps and try to collect myself. And then walk into the office and announce myself.
I sit...waiting....for what seems an eternity....heart pounding...again....hands soaked....now I'm thinking I need to get out of this room and gain some control again. Then "O" comes out and introduces herself.....I'm seriously spiraling at this point....I sit at the board room table and chew my gum, trying to distract my thoughts. I smile and respond to her comments and questions....thinking to myself....."I'm going lose it here and she's going to have to pick me off the ground and then call an ambulance...and then I'll probably make a mess of the carpet....oh give your head a friggen shake!!!" So I take off my coat and try to "cool down" a bit. I finally start to gain a bit of composure and then....."E" comes in and introduces himself....and it starts all over again!
And then it was over. With shaking hands I had exchanged business cards and told them both I was glad to have met them and I look forward to working together with them in the near future. And then some how....some how I made it back to my car.
Now....I sit here worn out and exhausted, because don't you know...."anxiety attacks" have a tendancy of wearing you out.
I think I'll close all the blinds and just stay home tomorrow.
Today I had an "interview" of sorts with a new accounting firm. I got myself a new blouse, got my black slacks hemmed (finally) and even put on nylon knee-high's and my "nose picker" heeled shoes. Heck...I even put on the "crack filler" and foundation!!! It's so weird getting all dressed up in the daytime when you've totally turned into a yoga pants/jeans kind of girl. Anyways....I was already feeling the panic this morning when I dropped Krystina off at school....at that point I was just hoping that I wasn't going to hurl or break a leg walking up the sloped walk-way to drop her off. About half way into the drive (which was an hour long) it starts up again....heart pounding, head feeling fuzzy, dry mouth, hands sweating, feeling overheated....*deep breath*....*in through the nose, out through mouth*...*dry off those hands*. Then I started to panic some more because I though....."eww nooo....I'm going to have to shake these peoples' hands and ....they're going to slide right through".... *another wipe of the hands*.... *deep breath*....*smack myself in the head and tell myself to smarten up!* I parked the car and head up the block to the building....up the stairs...now my hearts pounding again...partly because of the dread and partly because I just walked up 25 steps in heels....told you I needed to get back to the gym! I stop at the top of the steps and try to collect myself. And then walk into the office and announce myself.
I sit...waiting....for what seems an eternity....heart pounding...again....hands soaked....now I'm thinking I need to get out of this room and gain some control again. Then "O" comes out and introduces herself.....I'm seriously spiraling at this point....I sit at the board room table and chew my gum, trying to distract my thoughts. I smile and respond to her comments and questions....thinking to myself....."I'm going lose it here and she's going to have to pick me off the ground and then call an ambulance...and then I'll probably make a mess of the carpet....oh give your head a friggen shake!!!" So I take off my coat and try to "cool down" a bit. I finally start to gain a bit of composure and then....."E" comes in and introduces himself....and it starts all over again!
And then it was over. With shaking hands I had exchanged business cards and told them both I was glad to have met them and I look forward to working together with them in the near future. And then some how....some how I made it back to my car.
Now....I sit here worn out and exhausted, because don't you know...."anxiety attacks" have a tendancy of wearing you out.
I think I'll close all the blinds and just stay home tomorrow.
Comments
I'll be at the track in the am, with the sis... not sure if you want to walk, or just pee your pants..as in walk talk and laugh.. at the same time....
It might be safer to stay home.
Maybe I need to get her some meds like Chris!!!