Not what I wanted
So I get a call from an old family friend last night....she called on the home phone and on my cell....so I suspected she really wanted to talk to me. My stomach had already turned over a couple of times as I suspected an idea....
Sure enough....she says to me that my mother had called her for the first time in about a year....she seemed civil and so she told her....about my "situation"....why?! why?! why!?
If you don't understand the complexity and severity of what has happened between my mother and I....don't judge...go to another site.
Apparently she shed a tear and said that if I wanted to...I should call her. Ummm...no. I am a firm believer that cancer can be self-inflicted, the result of being on the shit end of the stick and/or a result of terrible negativity and constant stress and strain on the body....I firmly believe that my cancer is a result of the latter...for the most part.
It's been four 1/2 years since I've spoken with "her". It took me a good year to go through a type of "grieving" process. There is no relationship between my mother and I. My life is finally...."calm"....my life is finally "without major stress"....my life has cancer....funny how that works. I can finally "take care of me"....and the last thing I need is to rip open my broken rib cage and expose my battered, ill beating heart. Sorry....I'm going to be a selfish, self-centered wife and mother of three. The four people I have closest to me....are all that I need. There is no more verbal and physical abuse in my life and none for my children to witness...nothing but love and gentle hands and understanding hearts.....it's what I craved for years....it's what there is now.
So anyways....I'm disappointed that she took it upon herself to tell my mother but I'm not changing a thing....not now. Ask me again in 5 years....maybe I'll have had a change of heart but for now....I need to get through this and I need to get through it without any added crap. She'll have to "take a number".
Sure enough....she says to me that my mother had called her for the first time in about a year....she seemed civil and so she told her....about my "situation"....why?! why?! why!?
If you don't understand the complexity and severity of what has happened between my mother and I....don't judge...go to another site.
Apparently she shed a tear and said that if I wanted to...I should call her. Ummm...no. I am a firm believer that cancer can be self-inflicted, the result of being on the shit end of the stick and/or a result of terrible negativity and constant stress and strain on the body....I firmly believe that my cancer is a result of the latter...for the most part.
It's been four 1/2 years since I've spoken with "her". It took me a good year to go through a type of "grieving" process. There is no relationship between my mother and I. My life is finally...."calm"....my life is finally "without major stress"....my life has cancer....funny how that works. I can finally "take care of me"....and the last thing I need is to rip open my broken rib cage and expose my battered, ill beating heart. Sorry....I'm going to be a selfish, self-centered wife and mother of three. The four people I have closest to me....are all that I need. There is no more verbal and physical abuse in my life and none for my children to witness...nothing but love and gentle hands and understanding hearts.....it's what I craved for years....it's what there is now.
So anyways....I'm disappointed that she took it upon herself to tell my mother but I'm not changing a thing....not now. Ask me again in 5 years....maybe I'll have had a change of heart but for now....I need to get through this and I need to get through it without any added crap. She'll have to "take a number".
Comments
Did you hear on the news a couple of weeks ago that we are in the best place in the world for breast Cancer treatment! Sounds like you have got a really good Doctor too.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as you get through this. Try to stay positive!