It's funny you know....Tony and I were commenting on how long it seemed to take between the first and second treatments and yet....it's already been almost a week already...which means only two to go. And because today I'm feeling pretty cruddy...I'm really wishing that time would slow down a bit.
Yeah...after my "I'm feeling great" speech yesterday I woke up at 5:30 only to be in a cold sweat, vomiting with "bone pain"...which I've been suffering with all day. I knew it was coming...I thought first time round that it was something else but now that the pain has hit again....I'm very well aware that it's a result of the white blood cell booster shot. And I'm feeling just a little sorry for myself today...but that quickly changed after I saw Roger Ebert on Entertainment Tonight...
My defences are weakening and my overall state is a little more fragile....but I'm trying to carry on as best as I can. My girl is still taking this whole thing the hardest and will barely tolerate having me out of her sight just for the school hours... I have sores in my nose and taste blood whenever I sneeze, I ache when I sit stand or walk and my stomach is so full of air that I feel as though I've eaten 50 lbs of hot dogs....and this too shall pass....just not tonight.
In another day or two I'll be feeling stronger again, the aches will be disappear and the remainder of my stubble will fall out....leaving me a little more pale and darker circles under my eyes. And for this reason I wonder why we (as women) go to so much effort to "try and look good" while we go through this crap. I guess it's to make us feel better...which it does....but it's amazing how quickly that vibrant healthy person we once saw disappears when doused in poison upon poison.
I was going to go to yoga tonight...that was my plan....plans change...quickly....I'll strive for Tuesday at this point....tonight I just want to curl up on the couch and forget my woes....not that mine are so great....they are to me, but in the overall scheme of things....they're nothing.
And with all that moping I still hold fast to the following:
"I have two options...one of which is not even a consideration"....I will get through this and kick it in the ass!